“Toddlers and teens are the same.”

Part of an occasional series about phrases that this therapist finds himself repeating, often.

Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

As a clinician in private practice, one of the phrases that I frequently hear myself saying is this: “Toddlers and teens are the same.” Normally this comes up with those who are attempting to parent an adolescent, being frustrated by them, and feeling at a loss as to what to do.

I ask them to think back to what it was like to parent a toddler. For those of us who have passed this stage, we may have some fond memories of their first artwork, the sweet hugs, walking then running. Now because we are not in the middle of that stage, we can see the good in it.

But, when you are the midst of parenting an adolescent, all those “cute” efforts at independence such as “I do it” and “NO!” and “I want ______!” are … much … less … endearing. The typical adolescent's language is a lot more, uh, colorful too!

So let’s step back into our “best parenting self” and remember what the toddler is trying to do:

Toddlers are trying to establish independence.

One of the reasons that “no” and “I do it” become favorite phrases for toddlers is because they are beginning to feel that they are a…