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“Start with small consequences first; give yourself somewhere to go.”
Part of an occasional series about phrases that this therapist finds himself repeating, often.
As a clinician in private practice, one of the phrases that I hear myself saying over and over is this: “Start with the small consequences first; give yourself somewhere to go.”
This usually follows a long discussion about what sorts of consequences for behavior that a parent has used before: the timeouts or time-aways, taking away a phone/game/toy, grounding or restricting.
“Nothing works,” they tell me.
“Hmm,” I say. “Let’s think about this some more. Tell me about how you are using these things, for how long, and about what you are wanting to see.”
Usually what a parent is wanting to see is a light bulb fantastically emerge over their child’s head. This light bulb of insight glows brightly over the child’s head while they repeat this phrase: “Oh! I see it now! You are right! I should not have done [fill in the blank] or I should always [fill in the blank]!” Then said child wanders off and the behavior…
