“So are you a good kid or a bad kid?”

Part of an occasional series about phrases that this therapist finds himself repeating, often.

Photo by Volkan Olmez on Unsplash

As a clinician in private practice, one of the phrases that I hear myself asking sometimes is this: “So, are you a good kid or a bad kid?” This usually happens on a first session with a child, typically with parents still in the treatment room. We are all getting to know each other, asking questions I probably already know the answer to such as their grade in school, family structure, and the reason why the parent is bringing their child to my office.

Then I ask, “So, are you a good kid or a bad kid?”

This is where the conversation stops for a second, just a pause, while the child might glance back at a parent from our position of sitting on the floor accompanied by paper and crayons.

“I’m a good kid that sometimes does bad things,” they may answer.

Photo by Mathilda Khoo on Unsplash

Perspective is important.