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“Concrete, specific praise works best.”
Part of an occasional series about phrases that this therapist finds himself repeating, often.
As a clinician in private practice, one of the phrases that I frequently hear myself saying to parents is “Concrete, specific praise works best”. This usually follows a parent who is bringing in a child who presents with anger, anxiety, or sadness. The child in question usually makes statements such as:
“I always mess up.”
“I can’t do anything right.”
“I’m stupid.”
To which the parents respond, “I don’t know what is going on. We praise them all the time! All the time we are telling them how smart and wonderful and talented they are!”
Then I pause and say, “Let me tell you about some interesting research …”
Yes, praise is good.
Children care about what the adults in their lives think about them. One of the ways in which they make sense of their world and their ability to make their way in that world is what we tell them.
